1. You can pretty much only calm down as long as no one tells you to calm down. Because once you’re told to calm down, you become a vengeful monster who wants to strike down anyone who even suggested that you chill.
2. When someone gives you a seriously genuine and well-put compliment, they should be prepared for all of the presents. I look super dope today? Why, thank you. Here’s a check for $18,000. Don’t cash it ’til 2025 but still.
3. Getting somewhere and noticing your people aren’t there and wanting to leave. Why would you stay when you could go to a bar down the block where you know everyone and all they’ll want to do is talk to you? Seeeee ya.
4. People you date have no clue how much time they should spend leaving you alone versus showering you with affection. Honestly, you’re not sure about this ratio either, but if they mess it up, god help them.
5. Being out with your friends and realizing no one can make a decision and just making one for everyone because that is who you are. And is it always the best decision for the group? Yep.
6. You could just go to dinner for your anniversary or you could rent out an entire bar full of only your boyfriend’s favorite foods while his favorite local band plays. Nobody else can match your romantic gestures. Nobody.
7. In your mind, you already live in a castle where you rule over everyone while wearing designer clothing all the time. You invented living large, even if you’re currently a waitress paying off student loans, so you’ve become the master of bargains and credit card points and discount codes to be able to afford the life you deserve right freaking now.
8. Becoming friends with someone means slowly having them become your family. You don’t even become friends with someone unless you feel like they’re going to be in your life forever because you’re loyal to the end.
9. Once you start seriously dating someone, you have approximately 845 other people who are devastated you’re not available anymore. Because almost everyone you’ve ever met thinks you’re their future spouse. Tough gig.
10. If you say you’re going to do something, you not only do it, you do it bigger and better than anyone had any idea was possible. Basically even the smallest of your achievements are accompanied by a fistful of glitter mixed with bragging.
11. You are never short of hilarious anecdotes for your friends when they need them. If your best friend is worried about moving or a sick relative, you have a funny kitten photo or a story about geese wearing tiny shoes, and all of a sudden, they feel better. Your words are magic.
12. Openly admitting you’re your favorite person and having no one even get mad at you for it. Because let’s be honest, you’re their favorite person too.